tiff of the 'burbs. *

So many things to be thankful for.

Because I’m sure Tumblr will soon be filled with Thanksgiving posts, I’ve decided to get a head start. We should be thankful every day anyway, right?

I’m thankful for my family. I know I’m blessed to be so close to my siblings and talk to them like they’re my friends. This year has been a roller coaster in many ways, especially after we found out my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in August (this would be the first time I’m directly addressing this on Tumblr). Having Mom diagnosed with this disease brought us even closer than we already were. I often think of her as the backbone of our family. Although the battle is not over, I’m thankful that we were able to help her get through her last round of chemotherapy last week, in preparation for her surgery next month.

I’m also thankful for my friends. They’ve supported me through personal trials and failures, as well as been there to celebrate my accomplishments and milestones. I’m thankful for my friends back at home that I consider my extended family. I’m thankful for my friends from college and am happy I’ve grown closer to them 2 years after graduation. I’m thankful for my new friends in LA. Special thanks to one of my closest guy friends for introducing me as the new girl and sharing his friends with me, including the great guy I’m dating (whom I’m also thankful for).

I’m thankful for the opportunities I’ve been given to take steps to get my closer to my career goals. My internship position exceed far beyond all of my expectations. As of yesterday, I’m now considered a PAID employee. I have to clear a few things with the President, but my current Executive Director said that, I can start using the Program Coordinator title. 24 WITH MY FIRST JOB EVER WUT WUT (finally). Filling out a W-4, employment verification, and direct deposit forms for the first time was surreal.

I’m thankful for a roof over my head, clean drinking water, food on the table, clothes on my back, education, and various things that I have and don’t really need. This is something that I need to keep remind myself of, so I don’t take things for granted. A few weeks ago, my new laptop and cellphone were stolen at a coffee shop while I was cramming before class. Of course, I was/am still upset that someone could do that to another person, I am constantly trying to remind myself I have so many other things to be thankful for, beyond material possessions.

The love of God. Most importantly, I’m thankful for having faith in an almighty God that is so good to me, even when I am not always so good to Him. There’s so much I could say, but I’ll leave it at this: Thank you, God, for E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Love,

TiffanyJam <3 

At 24, I’m where I’m supposed to be.

In high school, if you asked me what I’d be like in my mid-twenties, I probably would’ve said the following:

• Established career
• In love—married or engaged
• Living in the city on my own (LA, SF, or NY)
• Self-sufficient

Yeeaaah, not exactly where I’m at now. As of this moment, I am:

• Interning with no pay
• Single (which is fine, by the way)
• Living in the city…at my grandpa’s house
• Swimming in enough student debt to purchase a mid-range luxury car

Being in your mid-twenties, for lack of a better word, is weird. On one hand, I have friends who are engaged/married, buying homes, having babies…doing “adult things”. On the other hand, I have friends who are out partying every weekend, single & not looking to settle down anytime soon, with no real drive. Of course, there are plenty of combinations and “in-betweeners”.

I carpool to school on some nights with one of my close girl friends from my graduate program. We both have the same concerns with where we stand in life and our conversation tonight made me think. And it also made me laugh. Here we were complaining about where we aren’t in life (no engagement rings—she at least has a boyfriend, no certain career path, and living at home), while coming home from night classes that we chose to submit ourselves to multiple nights a week on top of our jobs/internships and personal lives in order to get masters degrees. We chose this.

It’s nights like this that I find it necessary to reassure myself that there isn’t always a concrete timeline for full-blown adulthood to begin. It’s also nights like this that I find it necessary to remind myself that God has a plan for me and I that I need to trust Him, even when the path seems foggy and sometimes bleak.

I will say that moving to Los Angeles was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my 20s thus far. I have learned so much about myself, my relationships, and the career path I want to make for myself through my internship. I’ve been able to reconnect with good friends and make some new ones. Social life is great. I’ve gone on dates and have been treated right to the point of me actually feeling spoiled (no offense to the guys I’ve dated in the past that read this, lol). I’ve met several individuals in my field that have shown me that this career path is doable at different coalition meetings.

I may not have expected life to turn out this way, but I trust that I will be pushed and pulled in the right directions until everything starts to make sense.

In all things.

Without going into detail, there’s a lot of crap going on in my life right now, primarily concerning my family. Over the course of the last month, I’ve noticed that I’ve become increasingly closed-off, using avoidance to “deal” with the situation, knowing that all of this is beyond my control. This is not how I usually am. 

This semester, I’m taking a class called “Leadership Skills & Strategies”. What’s great about this class is that aside from theories and history lessons, my professor also sets aside time to focus on personal development. This week’s segment on personal development was primarily on the importance of personal reflection on a daily basis. She actually dimmed the lights and had us close our eyes and reflect/meditate on every detail about our day thus far. This is not something new to me. This actually reminded me of St. Ignatius’ Examen of Consciousness (Daily Examen). 

In all honesty, prior to tonight, I don’t think I’ve said a legitimate quality prayer/meditation in quite some time. I’ve made attempts, but I hadn’t been able to really focus and center myself. I know and firmly believe in the importance of prayer, sacraments, and personal responsibilities in regards to faith as a lifestyle.

Going back to my Leadership class meditation exercise, I feel like it was necessary for me to actually be forced to shut down and focus on my day and the permeating thoughts that continue to cross my mind. Truth be told, I felt a closeness to God that I haven’t felt in a while…in a class with a 20+ people I don’t even know. Who would have thought, right?

Tonight’s class was a great reminder that God really is in all things and places.

Filled to be emptied again.

For a good portion of my life (about 8 years), I was heavily involved in different church ministries at my local parish. The majority of the time I was involved was spent serving with the Cross+Trainer Retreat Ministry. I firmly believe committing years to cross+training was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, not just for personal growth, but because I knew I was planting seeds and helping other people grow in their faith journey as well. As several years went by, I felt myself grow out of the ministry itself. As stated in Ecclesiastes, “To everything, there is a season”, right? Well, there were 5 1/2 retreat seasons for me. In short, I felt as if I was at somewhat of a standstill and needed to move on, which was something very difficult (and necessary) for me.

For the first time since my sophomore year of high school, I spent an entire year not being involved in a church ministry. I’ve experienced a lot of things during this time, both good (integrating “independence” and faith) and bad (more and more temptations); things that maybe I wouldn’t have experienced without moving on. Truthfully, there are things I wish I did differently (or not at all), but I am thankful for the learning experiences. I still believe in all the things I did a year ago, but the difference is I’m more on my own, which has been both really liberating and really challenging at the same time. I guess this is part of what my good friend (and dearly missed) Richelle always referred to as the Cycle of Conversion. Oh and just for clarification, by no means did I stop practicing my religion or stop receiving the sacraments. I still do and always will! :)

**For my readers who want to take a personal retreat, but may not have the time/money, my friend Dennis recommended a book to me about a month ago called “In the Midst of Noise: An Ignatian Retreat in Everyday Life” by Michael Campbell-Johnston, SJ that serves as a great guide.

• Daily mass
• Blessed Sacrament visits 3x a week

I’m not giving up anything for Lent this year.  Instead, I’m giving in. I don’t want any of my lenten sacrifices to have ulterior motives (i.e. giving up rice and desserts, so I lose weight in the process—I’ve contemplated this for days). I’ve done the alcohol thing before…too easy for me. Getting myself to go to mass everyday for 40 days and spending quiet time in the chapel 3x a week? This is going to take some effort, especially because I’ve been slacking lately. Slacking..a LOT.

The reason why I’m putting this on my Tumblr is because I’d like for people to check up on me and make sure I’m keeping up with this. Please do.

Hope all my fellow catholics have a fruitful lenten season!