tiff of the 'burbs.

I’m not really sure about what I want to do with my life. Last year, as I was applying to law schools and taking the LSATs, I thought that being a lawyer was all that I wanted in life. A lot of people have told me that the stresses of law school sometimes tend to make people question whether or not this is something they want to do for the rest of their lives. Welcome to that category, Tiffany.

Right now: I wouldn’t mind being a lawyer, but I can see myself doing other things for the rest of my life. I don’t see myself dropping out or switching career goals because 1. I’m already in a pool of debt, 2. I’m not sure if this isn’t what I want to do yet, and 3. I want a stable career that I can make a comfortable living for a family (the homework/tests/scrutinizing just sucks).

My tentative plan/Ideal life: Go through law school & try my hardest. Become a lawyer. Get married sometime after graduation (Step 1. Find a man). Work as a lawyer for roughly 10-15 years or enough to pay off debts & have a nice savings account (HA). Stay home, raise kids, do ministry work.

P.S. I hate that hearing about youth ministry/young adult job openings at my home parish makes my eyes light up & my heart hurt at the same time. Just sayin.

Note: Maybe this is the stress talking, a pre quarter-life crisis, whatever. I’m taking this as a discernment process. God, why couldn’t you just have a magic 8 ball to help me figure out my vocation?

Today had to be the most academically unproductive days I’ve had since starting law school. I went to Civ Pro, Legal Skills (forgot my notepad at my apartment), and decided not to go to Contracts because I knew if I got called on I’d be screwed (Prof. has this policy that if you get called one & screw up, you’re on deck for the next 2 classes—which always ends up being 4).

Why is it that when i skip one class, my entire day gets thrown off & my productivity goes down the drain? Instead of reading/briefing, I spent money on a wig for my halloween costume at Party City, indulged in an (overpriced) AA circle scarf (for my costume, but I swore to myself that I’d put it to use often), MAC foundation (I ran out yesterday), lunch at the Cheesecake Factory, and bought a wedding gift for Ryan & Jenelee (justified, for obvious reasons).

In short, I need to not skip class & quit spending my loan money.

There are 6 weeks until finals. Back in my undergrad quarter system, I’d believe I had all the time in the world. Now, 6 weeks scares the crap out of me.

I’m going to sound crazy, but I’d rather take the LSAT than this stupid Property midterm tomorrow. Why? Read: http://diaryofa1l.mikeshecket.com/2004/12/closing-thoughts-1.html

That and I don’t want to be on campus anymore, knowing that a couple fellow students just caught H1N1. Oink.

Things have changed been changing between me & certain friends. Forgive me for not being able to fully accept that yet.

I am now in the middle of my first trimester as a 1L and I’m feeling the pressure even more so than at the beginning of the term. I have only one midterm (which I am surprisingly somewhat thankful for) and it’s on Monday for Property I (on Estates and Future Interests). I’m scared. Mainly because I feel super lost in this class because my professor fails to give straight answers, mumbles to himself, and the acoustics of the Moot Courtroom are atrocious. I HATE the Moot Courtroom. Even if I sit in the third row, I still can’t distinguish what my professor is saying. Basically, I’m teaching myself Property I. This weekend, I’m planning on locking myself in my apartment or the library with fee simples subject to a condition subsequent, the Rule Against Perpetuities, etc.

To make matter worse, I woke up late today with a sore body and sore throat and missed Civ Pro. I proceeded to take some Vitamins, down two packages of Emergen-C and stock up on some Ricola. I can’t afford to get sick. I’m blaming this on the guy behind me in Civ Pro that has been coughing up his lungs for the past 2 1/2 weeks. Thanks a lot, you jackass. Reminder to all students: If you know you’re sick, STAY HOME. In fact, I’ll give you my notes. Just stay confined in your room and don’t infect anyone.

Things I want right now: someone to bring me soup, give me a back massage, and teach me about estates. Oh, and my J.D.

I’m very protective of my boys (Actually, I’m probably speaking for not just me, but Genevee and Ana, to say the least). Therefore, I am a harsh judge when it comes to the girls my guy friends choose to associate themselves with. Why? Considering that a majority of my guy friends are some of the most respectable guys I know, I know they deserve high quality, grade-A females. I will not approve of little girls who throw themselves onto my friends, carry themselves in classless ways, and show no respect for themselves or others.

I hope my guy friends are as protective of me as I am of them.

Something that really annoys me are “sell out” Filipinos, particularly Filipinas (mainly because I am a Filipina myself). What exactly am I talking about?

• Filipinas who try so hard to be “American”, disassociating themselves from their ethnic heritage by any means.
• Filipinas who don’t associate themselves with any other Filipinas by choice
• Filipinas that don’t care to learn anything about their culture as Filipinas
• Filipinas who desperately try to be with White males in order to “make pretty babies” (FYI: they don’t always turn out pretty, but I’m just sayin’)
• Filipinas who read this and get mad because they probably fall into one of more of these sell-out categories
• Annoying mestizas who try to converse with me by starting off with “I’m Filipino too. I love pancit.” (This actually happened!) Okay, because that’s the only thing we can relate on and the perfect conversation starter? Am I supposed to ask if you like canton, bihon, or palabok better? LOL

I’m not one to deny that I’ve never thought about these things in my own life. I’ll admit that I never was really into my culture until my undergraduate years. I feel like from my junior high years (awkward) up until know, I’ve gone from PiNaY to “Semi Sell-out/White Washed” to Culturally-conscious/Eager to learn more Filipina.

P.S. In law school, I actually pride myself in being some people’s first Filipina friend ever (how cute).

I feel myself getting more conservative as time passes by (you can pick up your jaws now). Conservative, in the sense of who I expose my heart to, and choose to be intimate (mostly physically and emotionally) with. If you don’t really know me, I used to lead retreats for five years and during Women’s Session, we would frequently talk about guarding our hearts, bodies, and souls. Call me a hypocrite, but I guess you can say that I wish I really listened to the advice I gave multiple times. This is not to say that I was buck wild or anything, but I know I’ve made some really poor decisions in the past, which resulted in a lot of heartache, to say the least.

I’m still learning, but I’ve made a conscious decision to be more responsible and selective in regards to who I give my heart to and the actions that I choose to take part in, the situations I put myself in, and the message I’m sending to other people. I want to set a good example. I realize that I need to hold myself to a much higher regard because of my dignity. No compromises! No settling!

I remember one time at UCR, my friend told me he saw me as a “classic female” or “old school” in a sense that I hold strong to my Catholic values. At first, I kind of saw that as an insult that I was somehow thrown into the subservient powerless female category. However, I know now that because I hold strong to my values on dating and relationships, I am powerful.

This is kind of ironic that once I’ve moved into a new city all by myself, not within the household of my parents to answer to, I’m not using that “freedom” that one would expect.

“He loves, He hopes, He waits. Our Lord prefers to wait Himself for the sinner for years rather than keep us waiting an instant.” -St. Maria Goretti, Patroness of Purity (my confirmation saint)

(This post is dedicated to all my female friends, especially the Cross+Trainers—past and current)